Thursday, June 19, 2008

Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL

Maybe you've heard of a new website that has sprung up to combat the really horrible lies about Barack Obama? But sadly the best way to fight smears isn't to correct them (which involves repeating them) but actually to simply make up a whole bunch of new "facts" to push the smears out of your brain.

Some of you have read Christopher Beam's brilliant Slate piece to that effect. But my friend John Pinsonneault decided it needed to be much more patriotic. He encourages everyone to send this around and continue bumping up the bald eagle quotient. I'm sure Stephen Colbert would agree.

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There are many things RED-BLOODED AMERICANS do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's SACRED duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their FELLOW PATRIOTS and CHURCH GOERS.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even WHILE SERVING FIVE TOURS OF DUTY IN IRAQ SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he THINKS ABOUT an American flag WHICH IS ALWAYS. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE while READING THE CONSTITUTION.

A JERRY BRUCKHEIMER FILM exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

Every DAY, Barack and Michelle take the daughters OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION HUNTING FOR TERRORISTS.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his TWENTY PURPLE HEARTS at all times. He occasionally switches when one NUCLEAR arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is AS STRONG AS AMERICAN STEEL.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his SIX-PACK ABS. It's upside-down, so he can read it while DOING KEG-STANDS.

There's only one COUNTRY MUSIC artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has PLAYING ON A BOOM BOX NEXT TO HIM AT ALL TIMES. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of THE FREEMASONS. He is PROUD that Jesus was a FOUNDING FATHER.

Barack Obama goes to WALL MART every morning. He goes to WALL MART every afternoon. He goes to WALL MART every evening. He is IN WALL MART RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama's new AMERICAN BUILT F-15 TOMCAT includes a NASCAR TRACK, a MCDONALDS, and a MEGACHURCH.

Barack Obama's BLOOD is the color of AN AMERICAN FLAG. HE BLEEDS RED, WHITE AND BLUE.

Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD FACTORY WHERE HE EMPLOYS OVER 50 MILLION AMERICANS, THE MLB, and ALL OF SILICON VALLEY. He travels mostly by BALD EAGLE.

Barack Obama says that Americans SPREAD GUNS and RELIGION THROUGHOUT THE WORLD because they were INVENTED BY GEORGE WASHINGTON.

2 comments:

Habladora said...

"Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his SIX-PACK ABS. It's upside-down, so he can read it while DOING KEG-STANDS."

This one made me laugh out loud, then I read it again and it made me snort-laugh. Really, this should get you a spot on The Daily Show - and, if it does, you might just get my endorsement for VP...

dennis rodman said...

I hear that Barrack Obama traveled through time To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot kings
and saved the human race again!