Sneak Review Of The 300: The Gayest Movie Ever!

I got to go to the movie critics screening of the 300 tonight. Short version: gayer than a chorus line. Longer version: Like someone made a movie just cut from the battle sequences of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. (Just try to watch the movie and not think of lines from LoTR. It was all I could do not to shout at the screen Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.)

The movie is based on Frank Miller’s comic book and, while it’s not shot as artfully as Sin City, it bares a similar sense of masculinity and femininity. But while Sin City was all about noir atmosphere and crime, the 300 is all about manliness. From men wearing leather diapers. Really. (Meanwhile the women all have nipples to cut glass on. I don’t think there’s a single female actress in the movie who doesn’t bare her nubbins.)

The dialogue tries to make the struggle to be one about freedom versus tyranny, but frankly the lines are just cardboard staging for men who seems like they just can’t wait to die for trivial reasons. It kind of makes them seem more like little boys than the manliest of men.

While the movie reportedly is about Earth, circa 480 BC it really seems more like it belongs to the world of Middle Earth. When the men of Sparta take on Persian Immortals it’s really an orc beneath the mask, not a human. (There are also cave trolls and oliphaunts in the movie.) However, artistically the sci-fi feelings was something I would put in the movie’s favor. It ends up being very, well not exactly pretty but interesting to look at. The story, however, is really just one big battle. It’s actually being released on IMAX and I’m almost tempted to pay the $10 just to see if it’s better as an “image” film rather than a story.

Last comment, after seeing this and Sin City (which I preferred) I really do have to wonder how gay is Frank Miller? Because for a straight guy, the dude is obsessed with sweaty, bloody dudes acting out Fight Club-style. (Hmmm...maybe David Fincher and Frank Miller should be paired together?)